What Does it Mean to Fall in Love?
There are two components in Relationships:
The first one is – What is the feeling you get being with your partner? The second one is – What is your feeling about your partner? Both these components go hand in hand, and the truth is the second component follows the first one. It is because falling in love is not similar to familial love that you show to your children or parents, it is about receiving.
Love has another angle, the unconditional love for your children or the love between couples who celebrated their golden jubilee that is compassionate – it is about giving.
Digitization has opened many opportunities online. One of them is the love calculator that calculates your love compatibility percentage. You can test it here to give your relationship one more chance.
What is in Store Once You Fall in Love?
You receive a shiny, bright, and clear indication that validates you as a person. You may come across many individuals trying to convey this message. But it is not possible with other people. It may work with only one person when they are together, and an understanding evolves between them. A person who knows you from within and finds you Amazing, Wonderful, and Special increases the chances of validation.
You might have dated many people who feel that they are in love with you, but as per you, they know you very little. Therefore, there is no chance that they can validate you. Knowing someone or genuinely knowing is one part of intimacy. So, you gave entry to that other person to know you from within by meeting often, and every time that person gave you the feeling of understanding. This individual reciprocates, feels fascinated in the process of understanding you better, and wishes to know you more.
Do You Have a Better Experience Than Your Partner?
What is the feeling you get being with your partner? This component gives you an exhilarated feeling as you hand over yourself to someone; this individual appreciates receiving the greatest gift in you. The other component; What is your feeling about your partner? It goes like this, as you allow him/her in your inner world, your partner follows the same. What do you see in the heart and soul of your partner? A reflection of yourself.
Although attractions are possible with opposites, the fundamental, in-depth love attraction happens once you see yourself in someone else. This person not only validates you, but his existence is like yours that adds to more validation.
(Incidentally, if it is not visible, you may have to go deep down to find it. It is not visible on the top layer. The top layer has many differences but going deep lies similarity)
So, what do you mean by falling out of love? Betrayal is the simple answer. You became vulnerable and opened yourself, and what was the outcome? You got hit emotionally and betrayed. Betray is not limited to cheating. Ignoring the talks of your spouse is also betrayal. When this persists, differences begin. You might hurt your spouse in this way also.
Now imagine you both wish to maintain your marriage. You might have been married long back and must be having children. How do you approach a person who was responsible for hurting you? How is it possible to show your love to that person again? You feel disgusted to keep a relationship without any feelings. What is the best solution for you?
The answer is: Feelings can return, but you have to initiate how it was in the beginning.
Initially, it is there when you open yourself, but it is not easy to do it now. Even if you want to do it, the survival instinct will not let you.
Some Steps That You Both Need to Follow
1. Your partner needs to convince you about his/her transformation with proof. He/she must possess patience. It means your partner is so keen to take out all the weeds from the relationship is completely obvious. In the process, he/she makes you realize what they are going through? Instead of thinking about what are you getting out of it?
If your partner has transformed from his/her hurtful behavior, they must give time for your emotional recovery. This time it needs to be about you and not him/her.
2. You must also be patient with yourself and your spouse. He/she may realize not very fast that you have been hurt and would need recovery. It takes time, and probably you need advice from outside. In this way, you will get time to come out from the hurts of the broken relationship. It is a natural process and takes time to heal.
3. It is the best step. The behaviors you expect never happen, and a lovely, new one takes shape: sensitivity, gentleness, consideration, generosity of effort, and time. The outcome is trust and respect building. Let this step happen gradually. The more you observe respect in the eyes of your spouse it helps in building a much stronger trust.
4. Trust and respect will make you open step by step. There is no need to force it, let it be a natural process. You will experience new things such as newfound respect, healing, and guardedness. You may discuss these new things. Your spouse feels comfortable when he/she discusses these things with you. Again, you become vulnerable and want to open up more.
5. Now, your spouse will start discussing his/her realization of hurtfulness and selfishness and how they regret it. While admitting this, he/she may also become vulnerable, and the door is wide open to fall in love once again.
A Relationship Needs Respect and Understanding!
Two individuals grow in a different environment and come close if they get a feeling of togetherness. It is necessary to give respect to individuality. The moment you become selfish; you want your spouse to think similar to you, this is how differences creep. It is from here that both individuals start their journey separately.
Once a couple is open to each other, they must develop the ability of understanding. If both understand each other, the relationship stands for long-term. It is not easy, but as time flies, the sense of compatibility happens automatically. The only thing that a couple must have is patience to give respect and develop understanding in a relationship.
